Tell her she can't have a vagina
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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