could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
