Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
