please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
