i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
