How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
