Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
