and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
