dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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