Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
