I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
