South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
