I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
