So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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