Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
