Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
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