She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
