apparently the secret to your success is patron
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
