ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
