Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
