he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
