I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
