Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I think I sprained my soul last night
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
