I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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