Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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