Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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