People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
