No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
