I think im going to throw up on grandma
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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