Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Those nachos came to me in a dream
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Randomize
