You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Fuck appropriateness.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
