I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
