You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
