Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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