her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
