Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
