At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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