I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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