You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
organizing the empties. That sober.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
