I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
