I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
