her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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