wat bout pragnant strippers??
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
It was confusing and full of hummus
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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