THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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