i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
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