You just made me feel so damn special
i just had sex bonerless
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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