I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
