so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
