so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
