4 words: hood of his car
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
