awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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