Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
You can't special order awesome
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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